Inspiring people

Ryan Higa, Laina (OAG), Jamie’s World, Jono and Ben at Ten, Jeremy Lin, KevJumba and The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. These are my main inspiration that shape who I am today. The things that I picked up from these people is to smile and laugh every day no matter what comes in your way. If you have not yet pick up the pattern, these people are either Youtubers or talk shows presenters. These people help me to be who I am and shape my way of thinking. So for example, Ryan Higa taught me that although initially things may be depressing because of a change in your life; but in the end it will work out with faith and effort. This really help me to push through life when I first moved to Australia in December 2012. A change that I thought would unsuccessful and will be one of the most depressing moment of my life, as I have to leave all my close friends behind and the place where I have fully settled in. This change wasn’t easy at all, but when I moved to Australia, I started to cheer myself up by watching these youtubers and talk show presenters video on Youtube. This really cheered me up but as school was approaching, I became really depress. On the first day of school, I was quite happy, but towards the end of school I felt extremely depressed and didn’t wanted to go to school ever again! This may seem bad, but in the end, as I zoom out of my life, I realised what God did was extremely amazing. So because I was so depress and upset, my aunty recommend me this college, WCC. From what I heard from my aunt, this school is one of the best Christian school, so I joined this school and enrol myself out of the other school. Prior to the interview I was really nervous because I thought it was going to be a long interview process with fierce looking interviewer, but instead it was the completely opposite to what I imagined, there were two friendly interviewer that only asked me 1 question. After the interview, I prayed really hard that I would get into this school and the result is, and of course you know. So to conclude, Youtubers and talk show presenters are the one to encourage me to take the bold step of migrating to Australia to hopefully have better opportunities. Also, God is the one that firstly made me depress, but in the end, I understood why, and hence I moved to WCC, which taught me quite a few things.

 

 

Inside the bound leather cover

When you see her from the outside what do you notice? Is she laughing to frowning? Happy or sad? Who does she surround herself with? Average height. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Indian or Sri Lankan? A range of observances from which you probably make an assumption.

But that’s seeing a person for the representation they show the world. Unless you know her, you won’t know the true person underneath. The incidental qualities that make her up. That make every person different from the other. More than just the biological differences in human beings. The circumstances she’s faced and conquered. The people who have left their mark – both positive and scarring. Where she’s come from, where she’s at and where she’s heading.

It’s like judging a book by its cover. You need to actually open that bound leather cover to read the truth inside. To see how the final copy was made. It started with an idea, yet as the years went on new chapters were added. Words became more meaningful. The editing, caused by a rearrangement in priorities, changed the tone. The page that was crumpled up and thrown in the bin. The entire part that was rejected and forgotten. The weather worn pages that were reread as memories were relived. A life expressed in words.

Prologue

A large part of her is her heritage. She’s Indian and proud. It wasn’t always like that. She used to wish that she had a more interesting background: Italian, French or actually True Blue Aussie. Sometime though, that all changed. She started to appreciate the deep tradition that made her a part of something. A part of the country of a billion people, and of her own vast relations. Each of her grandparents have what seems like ten siblings, so everyone is her uncle or aunty. She feels a certain satisfaction about being known in the Indian community for the connections of her family. Just a mention of her grandpa’s name and she’s suddenly not a stranger. Indians are famous for their elaborate weddings where we party late into the night. The women dress in expensive saris and there are more curries than you could ever want. Yet behind everything is century old tradition and she was proud to be a part of it. It was something that made up who she was and with it came a sort of possessiveness. Fake reincarnations of her grandma’s curry do slightly annoy her. If you’re going to do it, make sure you do it right. Admittedly she is quite selfish about it. Being Indian is her thing. She doesn’t want to share. Yes others can spectate, but to participate you need the bloodline. And if you ever offend her race, watch out. She will come to its defence, despite not being born in India or stepping on that red soil. Yes everyone’s human, but being Indian is something in itself that you can never take away from her. It flows in her blood.

Chapter One

She’s never been very good at sport, achieving straight B’s through school, and the last time she did exercise was cross-country – last year. But give her a cricket bat or hockey stick and she becomes crazed in the quest for a goal – her competitive nature coming out. How did it start? Probably when she was six years old and watching Friday Night Football with her dad. Curled up on the couch and watching Carlton absolutely thrash Collingwood is one of the best memories she has – and recollects it frequently as history repeats itself. Football is the lifeblood of Melbourne – the sporting capital of the world. We love it and crowds flock to stadiums to watch their team. Sitting there, surrounded by people from different walks of life, they’re suddenly one massive family. Dressed in the same colours, singing the same song and jumping up to scream triumphantly at the same time. All brought together by the love of their team.

Chapter Two

She has the tendency to get obsessed. Whether it is a TV show or a book, if she loves it then she doesn’t do it half-heartedly. The next thing you know she will know everything about it. When she started playing FIFA 14, she honestly knew nothing about soccer and had no clue what offside was. Now she will sit there beside her brothers and become so competitive that she may even make them cry. Real Madrid is her go to team and she knows most of the players by name. They are, she admits sheepishly, the current wallpaper on her laptop. And offside, by the way, is when an offensive player is closer to the goals than the last defending player, put very simply. In January tennis was her thing – as it is every year when the Australian Open comes around. She could list of the name, rank and career earnings of all the top seeded players. She would sit on her couch for hours, eyes glued on the screen as the tennis ball got hit back and forth, completely enthralled. In TV shows right now she loves Revenge. Monday 9:00, is Revenge time and nothing will stop her from seeing who shoots Emily, although she has her carefully thought out predictions. She will tell her friends who do not even watch the show what is happening, and they will listen patiently and get confused at how everyone is related to each other and who loves who. She does everything whole-heartedly, not liking things to be half done. She will go all the way. It’s something she’s been taught by her parents. To work hard and try her hardest and it has infiltrated all parts of her life.

Chapter Three

You could probably guess from the book metaphor, but she is a lover of books. When other people complained about having to read a book for an assignment and gave up after the fifth page, she had already read the book three times and had thoroughly enjoyed it. She won the premiers reading challenge a few times and would be constantly holed up in the library during her primary school days. She remembers sitting there with her mouth open as the wolves were released in Hunger Games and admiring Susanne Collins writing for days after. Getting sucked into Ranger’s Apprentice by John Flanagan and its medieval world of knights and rangers – a combination of action, romance and laugh out loud humour. She bought the whole entire series and has read it multiple times. She can quote it and will treat the characters as if they are real people. What started as a thirst for the gripping storylines that were so much more interesting that real life, morphed into a love of books. For the words and the way that the story was constructed. The eloquent language that she wanted to emulate. To be able to alight emotions in her audience from the characters and universe that she had created. Making a whole world out of her imagination. Touching people through the written word.

Epilogue

Unlike others whose epilogue is still up in the clouds, hers is already drafted. Ever since year 9 she knew exactly what she wanted to do. As she walked through the hallowed halls of Parliament House in Canberra, she knew that was her future. To change the policies of Australia. To make her mark on the world through law and order. To help people achieve justice and to fight for rights. She is passionate about the issues that face our world. If you have spent enough time around her you would know that she has opinions about just about everything. She’s never been a middle ground person. Either completely one way or completely the other. She was probably the only person in the school last year who gave a persuasive speech against asylum seekers, and was ready to show her point of view. If you start an argument with her about something she cares about, then watch it, she will try to hammer home her points. She has a clear image of where she’s going. Standing in court one day in front of the judge – that’s her dream.

You’ve only witnessed a few chapters but those are a few things that make up her book. Her identity. Where she belongs in society. Where she’s come from, where she’s at and where she’s heading, all melded to form a person.

But that’s just the surface. The climax hasn’t even been able to build. If you keep reading, you will find inner truths and desires. The book is still in its early stages. There is still some editing to do. Some whole chapters are yet to be written that will, in the future, be an integral part of her. The epilogue is just a draft and is subject to change. Maybe one day the book will be more complete. But then, it will never be finished.

Krisha Reddy

 

10 Things I have Achieved / Learned

One of the proudest moments of my life is one that only mothers, fathers and people who work with children will understand. I got a child to stop crying. Bringing a child’s tears to a halt is like stopping up Victoria Falls. Especially when you are without the aid of their mother or a magnificent distraction (which probably wouldn’t work anyway). What did I do? At first I didn’t even know. We had tried reassuring, distracting (ha!) and anything else you can imagine, and nothing had helped. So I sat on a mat, fingering toys, while he was a metre or so away, huddled in a ball. Then, as if by magic, the unnerving cascade stopped! My head bolted up, and I looked at this red-faced, tear-soaked little darling; my heart a tad broken at the sight. And then, hiccup, hiccup, sniffle, sniffle, the dam broke. Again tears poured forth; worse than before, and always including the running nose and dribbles. I gave up and began to sing again; softly, without thought. He stopped crying. I looked up slowly this time. I didn’t stop singing…and he didn’t start crying again. The light dawned like an illuminated globe. It was the singing. Singing is as natural to me as breathing.I love to sing, and if anyone ever made my clone, and they couldn’t sing, you’d know it wasn’t me.

Another way you’d know: ask them to make you an iced coffee. Making iced coffees is central to my character. A very special Aunt taught me the recipe, and it has been priceless. One of my favourite pastimes is working with my dad in the backyard or the garden. Whether it be pulling out trees (which is no mean feat), stacking the wood heap, watching in awe as he constructs an aviary, planting yuccas or trimming the hedge; there is no place I’d rather be. Dressed in a ‘Hardings’ tee-shirt, unmatched socks and khaki shorts, I couldn’t enjoy myself more. However the best aspect of a day like that is when I get to make the iced coffees. I cherish that job because I love to feel helpful. Serving is simply a part of me, and has been forever. It must be programmed into my soul; because there’s no other way to describe it.

Since the age of three, ballet has played a major part in my life. Unfortunately, you may already know, eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia nervosa plague the stage, and many of the talented young dancers who grace it. Although I have never experienced such a disorder, I have made many hospital visits to those who have. Each time praying that the girls will look healthier, and that as we speak they won’t present the same hollow, tired eyes, embedded in the gaunt remnant of their natural beauty. If there was any joy evident in those pale green wards, it was this: seeing one of these girls smile. Sympathy only goes so far, and it is a small and, if overdone, a backward step in the path to recovery. They need to learn to smile again. I’m a believer in the power of optimism. It has won many bets on cricket matches, but apart from that, it brings life to a dull and decrepit place. Getting a full-fledged smile to break out on one of these hurting girls’ faces is one of the achievements I treasure.

It is partly this experience, and partly others, that have taught me the importance of being serious. Serious doesn’t mean a lack of joy. It’s about being real; taking a candid and clear look at the world, through God’s eyes, and shaping all decisions around that perspective. It’s about knowing when something needs your full attention. Knowing when to talk plainly and sincerely, and when to say nothing at all. Though I have far from mastered these things, I hope that I am on the journey to being better. The ability to be genuine with people, and to face the harder issues, is something that I will always strive to do.

Walking up to school on the last day of Book week, during the year 2008, is something I will never forget. Though I was mistaken for a boy, I felt like Miranda Kerr on the runway, with her best (most conservative) outfit yet. I proudly strutted up the concrete path in my sister’s pants, mother’s vest, a purple top hat (which we had found at the op-shop not long before) and a length of my dad’s thin timber framing that was, for that day, a posh walking stick swinging at my side. Who was I? Mr Willy Wonka. I went all out. As I usually do. And, at least in my mind, it paid off. Later on that day I won the award for the ‘Most Creative Costume’; I’m sure I still have that somewhere. This achievement illustrates something of great importance to me: creativity. Whether it be a grade six costume, a painting I did, a scrapbook I’ve filled or a dress made of garbage bags, creativity is something that defines how I live, and how I relate.

Another thing that is most valuable to me, an achievement if you like, is the laboured-after ability to keep a straight face. It has served me well. Whether it be convincing someone that I have no tear-ducts, or a prosthetic leg, or that a friend is engaged or that, I admit a little sheepishly, my mother is expecting again, I cherish being so utterly believable.

The same day that I learned not to microwave foil, I learned a greater truth about God. It is clear that most people develop their understanding and perception of God based on the character and influence of their father. That has certainly been true for me, and I have been more blessed than is possible to express. But lets begin with the foil. It was a day not long after Christmas and, what you may not know, is that fruit mince pies are, by far, my greatest weakness. So, like any mince-pie loving eight or nine year old girl, I decided to heat one in the microwave for breakfast. As it cooked I forgot all about it. That is, until I smelt smoke, saw flame inside the microwave, and ran over to salvage the pie. And the microwave. Of course the microwave. I scrubbed the blackened interior, for penance cleaned out the laundry, even so far as to make new a little curtain hook, and then, as any girl terrified of her parent’s wrath does: hid under my bed (both my parents were out). When my dad returned he found one very sorry daughter. The kind of sorry that you feel after you have destroyed the nice microwave that your father bought a day or two before. Yes, it was brand-spanking new. You know what he did? He took me for a drive, bought me an ice-cream, and said that it was alright. He was a father, he said, and this was part of the deal. What this taught me about God I leave for you to decide.

Languages have always been fascinating to me. Learning to say ‘hi, how are you?’ in Mandarin is one of the most useful (and pointless) things I have ever been taught. For this reason: I am a communicator. I love people, and I love to delve into conversations with whoever has a patient ear, and a story to tell. I say it is the most useful, because apart from being a point of connection with those who wouldn’t understand English, it has always been rewarded with an amused smile. Yet, the most pointless, because it is the extent of my Mandarin, and more than once I have begun a conversation that I have no hope of finishing.

One thing (of many) that I have had to learn the hard way is this: never let those inexperienced cut your hair. When I was about four or so, and my sister about six, behind the couch seemed the perfect place to practice our barbering skills. I would love to say that my sister found her calling. But unfortunately I was forced, by my mother, to wear a beanie for about a month afterward. I have always been a bit adventurous and occasionally that has put me in uncomfortable, and seriously lamentable (what’s worse than a bad hair month?), situations; such as rushing down a giant slide only to land in a huge puddle, or trying a diving board too high and belly-whacking – twice in one day, or having my first taste of hot English mustard with a spoonful straight from the jar. Far from curbing my desire for the slightly wild and half-witted, these experiences have taught me which adventures are worth the pain. And let me tell you, that slide was definitely worth it.

Learning to be thankful has been one of the most important lessons of my life. Whilst I was still working at a cafe in church, a very wise man told me that I should make the decision to enjoy whatever I do. It took me the better part of a year to appreciate and follow this timely advice. And it has a lot to do with being thankful. Being grateful enables joy in any (and all) circumstances. It lifts the outlook, and the outcome, whatever that may be. It it rare, and it is precious. Again it is something I am far from mastering, but I’m aware of the intense need for thankfulness in the human heart, and every day I work at becoming what my Heavenly Father wants me to be: His sincerely appreciative child.

By far my greatest achievement has yet to be. It is on the horizon. I see it and I’m working towards it. I don’t know what you see when you look into your future. But this is what I see for myself: sitting on a heap in a smelly, fly-ridden garbage dump, in some country of South-East Asia, or Africa, or wherever it may be, holding a little child in my arms, rejected by all others, and telling them that they are loved by God. And they are loved by me.

Amy Jarvis

 

Who Am I?

Who Am I?

From the genesis of a life unto their exodus into heaven, the sheer volume of opportunity and possibility that one life has is both astonishing and haunting. Every decision you control down to the most insignificant choice at a young age and every situation that another life makes alongside yours that you have no power over will shape you. Each of life’s gifts whether coal or Christmas will shape your mindset and your outlook from the current moment to uncertainty ahead. The clock’s hand only moves forward and each moment can either be spent or wasted, and you are only who you are for so long.

Identity in the modern functioning world can be found in two places, who you are and who you know. Your temperament and outlook will help and hinder where the path you follow goes. From childhood, we are encouraged (or forced) to gain knowledge and equip ourselves with knowledge and experience to aid our journey, and our peers and superiors hope and pray that a side effect of years of opportunity and chances to discover what we love will lead us to a career and lifestyle that we will love and find a sense of fulfilment through. We are both personally led and extraneously expected to find a partner that we will love, cherish and protect from the day you met until the day one of you passes away. The older we get, the shorter the term ‘lifetime’ sounds and the feeling we have when we flick through the 100 year calendar of the future will either sour or entice. The closer we get to the final page, the closer you get to back cover and blurb; the summary and accomplishments of your life. What that blurb reads is your legacy, and you have control over that legacy from day one through day nigh. It’s your biography, and your life. You may not write it, but you control what is written.

Of the many ways to consume music, whether it is written or heard, mimicked or made, old or new, I can define no favourite medium. I love music, and in every manner it completes me. I have identified what I love, and I am blessed that what I love can shape my identity. Some of the first pictures of young Hayden are of a tiny blonde infant hitting things to a rhythm of the song on the stereo. I’m pictured strumming a fake plastic guitar at the front of church pretending to lead worship, playing the drums on my father’s head, learning my first piano piece, the A I received from my first theory exam, and it’s fair to say it’s something I was born with. I’ve never received top grades for any of your standard classes, even through primary school. I am strangely proud to say that for the majority of my student life I have been consistently average. Rarely fallen below, rarely risen above. The one class and area of life I’ve excelled in should be obvious – music. I was completing 5^th grade piano before I was in the second half of primary school, I was picking up instrument after instrument and learning them all to decide what I enjoyed most. In music I have always excelled. At times I have though that I’m not realistically cut-out to do anything else, though the expression “cut-out” implies we were all destined for one thing. It is the attitude that whether we find it or not, we are made for a purpose that we are biologically, environmentally and emotionally designed for, and that if we find that matching slot on the grid for our puzzle piece shaped talent, we are destined for accomplishment and fulfilment. The sad part is that there is a very real possibility some people in this world do not find their gift, their release, their place in the world. These people are often seen broken, searching for love in all the wrong places. They swing from job to job, person to person, hobby to hobby, just hoping to find a hole that they can squeeze into, desperately scrambling to become inwardly content.

The good news is that quite a number of people do find their destiny. This destiny could be something as obvious as getting paid for doing what they love, turning the 9 to 5 crawl into the lifetime charge and quickly rising up the socio-economic ladder. For some, it could be finding the man or woman they adore and being the undecorated father or mother of the year many parents often fail to live up to. Hey, for you it could be helping the needy, stitching up the wounded, or bringing the broken to their feet so they may have a second chance at their lifetime goal. My dream is to find a way to be paid to play guitar. No matter the superfluous work that comes with the job, or the hassle of getting up in the morning, if I can find a way to be paid to be a musician, that part of my life is done and dusted. Even if my ‘ideal’ place in this world is to be a millionaire entertainer, I think being a professor of music or highly respected private instructor would succumb to be far more exciting. My life up until now and continuing on from this moment ad infinitum has been preparing for my future in this field.

No life exists without setbacks, and mine have often surpassed what I can handle and many times have I broken down. My mother has suffered down a long line of alcoholism and immense depression, which not only tore her, but our family apart. Each night became a race to who could tear their vocal chords apart first, often the drunkest of the duel losing the battle, each of them withdrawing to their hiding place to bathe in the defeat and belief that nobody understood their head. One slept it off, the other drank it off.

Many times I fought what I knew was right and believed it to be her fault, and her wish that this may kill her and our families love for one another, and every night I wander down the poorly paved mental pathways of self doubt and submitting to the thought patterns of the madly depressed and self-loathers. That was not me.

I developed complicated issues of being quick to anger and stagnant to care; I lost connection with how to love. My emotions ran dry but what remained flowed hot and firey. I was resentful, I was hateful, I was spiteful. But that was not me.

I absorbed myself in my loves, but an unstable mind enthralling themselves in a task they are aware of their talents in often absolves them of credibility leaves them with pride. My joy became being better than others, learning fast and playing faster, knowledge vast and teaching vaster. That was not me.

The journey of finding myself was not one I cared for.

I fell asleep 12 and woke up 20, I crashed at 15 and awoke 50. I grew faster than I could adjust to the world. School was a triathlon of struggle, featuring 2km of keeping my head above water, 90km of keeping up with work and 20km of fitting in. Each metre I walked was another mile I didn’t want to grow. I grew tired of friends my age after I discovered I could function on par with men twice or thrice my age. When I entered the brave age of 16 hitting a midlife emotional crisis, I met a beautiful fate in the most beautiful people I’ve met in my entire life, many of whom I owe my life to.

The journey of discovering Hayden began when I found out all of what I’d done through my life so far was absolved, completely gone, erased. Removed from my life with the power of Jesus Christ, I could start again. The years of gazing at my feet in pain and remorse were history, and as I began to look up and witness the marvel before me, I discovered God. Every circumstance in which I was thrust into the epicentre of from the slightest word to my mother’s multiple attempted suicides were steps into his plan. What I mistook for a cold heart was a strengthened soul in which I could be a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen to dozens of people and I could remain strong. What I mistook as anger I realise is a passion for excellence in which my passions have thrived as a result. What I mistook has a decimated family when turned for the will of God is a testimony and experience in which to witness and minister with to whoever wishes to hear a living story about how a kid grew up from being banished to sleep in the cold night air to becoming a leader to hundreds and being more skilled and talented than I would’ve ever believed.

I became stronger each day. I began to smile, to love and feel compassion again. The only pain I felt was the horror of seeing others in their own pain. I met people who changed me, I met people who loved me, I began to witness and show the possibility of strength to those who were broken and torn from a battle they did not feel they could win. My passion became a weapon against the devil and a proxy of love from God to whomever attended a simple church service. My world of possibility began to take shape and my life took the most exciting detour imaginable. This is me.

I’ve met people who are beautiful inside and out, I’ve been given some amazing opportunities and had the joy of finding what I truly love to do in music and playing the guitar. Throughout my life I’ve never felt like I’ve been at an advantage, and have always felt like everybody around me had it better; I felt disadvantaged, like God had forgotten me. These people I met who enriched my life in every single way travelled away to study, these opportunities I received as a once in a lifetime event were things that my colleagues got by the dozen. The relationships my friends have found I have yet to find for my own. I am born as a lover and a protector and I have nobody to protect. I was born a musician of talent. Jealousy was my weakness, but that does not define me. Pain was my surrounding, but that did not shape me. What shaped me was Jesus Christ and his obvious and clear power to alter the path you think is destiny and make your new path one of fulfilment and love, where passion is power and the devil’s greatest arsenal is rendered harmless.

Doctor Alexis Carrel said “Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.” My life has been unfortunate, but I am developed and prepared. I fell up into his arms and have been cradled ever since. My testimony is that you are worthy, and you are more than your grades, your family, your friends or even your own sense of worth tells you. You are worthy, you are loved, and you are capable of so much more than you could ever dream of. Know God, trust God, love God.

With God I have broken every barrier to yet be set before me and I’m not about to stop now. Who Am I? I am Hayden Mitt. He knows me and He sure as heck knows you.

 

Identity And Belonging Combined With Sport And Origami?

I guess you could say that I spend almost zero of my time thinking about identity and belonging and I will admit that I was somewhat gutted when I found out this was the topic. But I feel that everyone has more to say and are more knowledgable in certain areas than they first appear to be. I think this is true about me and this topic. From the outside I may not really give this topic much though but subconsciously there are definitely parts of my life that can relate to this topic.

So I thought a good place to start would be to try and find more about me. So I took some personality tests, which came to this rather unstartling conclusion.

83% artistic/spatial

74% sporty

56% mathematical

This makes sense since as I am fairly good at drawing, have been interested in origami for around 10 years, played soccer for the same amount of time and I am fairly good at maths and puzzles. I took another test that said I was an ISFP. Which stands for introverted, sensing, feeling and perceiving. So I decided to type ISFP in to google to see what came up. Clicked on the first link and up came with a page that rather creepily described me almost to a tee. The title of the page was called “the artist” I won’t go into too much detail about what the page said but one quote from the site is ” They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses” Another test I did was rather stupid and was called something along the lines of “what sport is best for you?” Since I am fairly interest in sport I though I would take it. It came to a conclusion that I am best suited to soccer and I’m like “duh, I already knew that” What I didn’t expect was what it said next… “You don’t have brute force, but you are physically fit” which is also fairly true about me. That said though, that quote condradicts itself as it also said that the sport I would next best suit is rugby!?! Surely, that is a sport that requires brute force. That defently  fits the saying that you shouldnt trust everything you see on the internet but I think its safe to come to the conclusion that I am good at art and soccer. I thought I would talk about them and how they have related to identity and belonging in my life.

The quote that said “you don’t have brute force, but you are physically fit” is true, but it hasn’t always been the case.  Well the first part has always been true… I mean I can’t remember having ever seen my abs and I am quite hopeless at doing stuff like push-ups and chin ups. The second half is the part that hasn’t. I was never ever fit at all. Two years ago I weighed a staggering 106kg.  I couldn’t run 100m without feeling like I was on the verge of having a heart attack and I very consistentally came in the bottom 3 for cross country for 5 years straight. My PB on the beep test of about 4 sums it up. I felt very disconnected from my soccer team as when we had to run laps everyone was jogging around and talking while I was half a lap behind coughing and wheezing my guts out. My lack of ability in the running department made it very hard to belong and fit in. My friend described me as being all skill and no speed. Whilst a pretty funny statement it was 100% accurate. I guess a lot of people try to change who they are to try and fit in with the crowd. People try and change there appearance for the sake of being accepted. I think changing how you look is ok as long as you don’t change the person you are on the inside. So I made a goal to try and lose weight and become fitter. Two years on I now weigh 82kg and am considerably fitter. I’ve lost a bit over a standard bag of cement and as a result running is much easier. If any of you tie a sack of cement to your body and try running you will understand what I mean. My identity of being the fat, overweight kid has changed. I dropped two sizes in jeans and 3 sizes in t-shirts. I can now fit into a medium for the first time since primary school. Whilst changing sizes in clothes was quite expensive (imagine having to re-buy your entire wardrobe because almost none of it fits you) losing so much weight has definitely made me a more confident and happy person. I’m actually not afraid to go running without feeling like a twit. My PB in the beep test is now 11 and I came 7th this year in cross country. I can actually run a few 100m for a change without having to breathe heavily, which is nice. Whilst I am still not the fastest runner my improved fitness has definitely improved my sense of belonging in my soccer team. I have more of an impact in the game which makes me feel like I fit in more.

Now to talk about my other skill: origami. One part of identity is the part I already explained. The way you look on the outside does have in impact on the way you feel you belong. I mean, everyone has once thought in your life “maybe they won’t like me because of the way I look” or “I won’t fit in because I’m…” Whilst being happy with how you look is important, how you look on the inside is way more important. Now this is where origami fits in. For those of you who don’t know, origami is: through the use of folding transforming an uncut square into a subject. Lets pretend your a square. Now this idea seems pretty funny and stupid when you first think about it but I promise the idea is not as daft as it seems. We are all the same, we are all people, just as all squares are well… Squares. But as you will soon see, a square can become hundreds, thousands or even millions of different things. Here is a few photos of some of my own original origami designs, all folded from a single uncut square….

 

This is just a snippet of the world of origami and the possiblities are endless. Just as everyone is the same “a square so to speak” everyone is different in there own way. Every single origami model is different yet they all come from the same thing. We may all look similar (all have a head, body, two legs and two arms) but everyone is different on the inside. Just like no two origami models are the same no two people on the planet are the same. Origami ranges from simple to ridiculously complex and the same can be said about people. Some people can be easy to talk to and get to know while there are some people that you will just never fully understand no matter what you try. Now, back to squares… Square pieces of paper can come in all different sizes, colour and thickness. Same with people, they all come in different heights, races and weight. Paper also comes in different types of which they all have there on personality, characteristics, strengths and weaknesses. Again, the same can be said about people. I am an ISFP personality, am good at art, sport, math and puzzles. I enjoy listening to music but am hopeless at creating it in a way that is a pleasure to listen too. Everyone is unique and has different gifts and talents and if you look amoungst your friends you will find that you will get a large variety of skills and abilities.

So when it comes to identity who you are on the inside is more important than what you look like. There’s a saying that “all that glitters is not gold” but I think the opposite “all thats gold does not glitter” is true aswell. Just like on the outside I appear quite boring and unknowledgeable about the topic of identity and belonging (kinda like a square looks super boring and unknowledgeable in every topic) once I scratched the surface and looked at what was underneath I seemed to actually have something that was meaningful (hopefully) to say. Just like the sayings “you shouldn’t judge someone on how they look”,”don’t judge a book by its cover” and “the size of your heart is more important than the size of your jeans” who you are on the inside is much more important than who you are on the outside. That said, I understand that being happy with how you look is also important. I wasn’t happy with the way I was so I changed. Physical change is ok as long as you don’t change the person you are meant to be on the inside! I leave you with a quote by Dr Seuss “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

 

Future path

Over the years of my short existence on this planet, I have wanted to be many different things. When I was younger, I wanted to be a Firefighter. I wanted to help people in trouble and  I wanted to be someone that people could count on. A few years later, I kind of forgot about that dream and decided that I wanted to be a pilot. This particular dream lasted for a while. I began researching planes and how to get into the industry. I fell in love with planes and flying. I went along to as many ‘open days’ at flying clubs that I could. I would beg my dad every weekend to go up to Moorabbin Airport and watch the planes fly in and out. My Dad was a real inspiration to me. He had trained to become a pilot when he was younger. He loved planes and flying, and wanted nothing more than to become a commercial pilot. Unfortunately, my Dad was born colourblind and at that time, you weren’t allowed to be a colourblind commercial pilot. So, he followed a slightly different path. He went on to become an Airtraffic Controller, which was his way of getting as close to flying big planes as he could.
With my desire to become a pilot, I almost felt like, in a positive way, I was carrying his dreams. I had everything planned out of how I was going to achieve this goal for not only myself, but also for my Dad.

Everything was coming up roses until the day I found out that of my many strengths, math was not one of them.

For those of you who don’t know, math is actually a really important part of flying, and unfortunately for me, Year 12 math was also an essential part to get into the flying school I was aiming for. This really hurt me inside. I couldn’t believe that something that I had dreamed about for so long was going to stay just that. A dream. Inside me was not only the disappointment of realizing that becoming a pilot was not a viable option, but also the feeling that I had let my Dad down. I had such a strong mental image of being the child that makes his Dad proud and I felt like I couldn’t do that anymore if I told him the truth. Clearly, I know now that not wanting to become a pilot wouldn’t disappoint him, but it made me realize the importance of what I decide to do in the future. Because of that, I decided that I was going to just leave my future alone for a while.

Skipping ahead to year 10, and I’m becoming a new person. I’m finding out new passions that I never knew were there. Mr. Johnson took our Year 10 Drama class to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s squeal to his smash hit Phantom of the Opera, Love Never Dies. After that show, I was in awe. I couldn’t believe that I’d never discovered this magic before. A combination of acting and singing in beautiful harmony. I was hooked. I went back and saw the show a total of 4 times. But that wasn’t enough. I bought the CD’s and then went searching high and low for other musicals. Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, The Producers, The Sound of Music, The Book of Morman, Jesus Christ Superstar… the list goes on. This is what lead me to my next dream of a career in musical theater. There was a passion that was burning deep inside of me and I wanted to do nothing more than sing and act. This made me very excited as I found it very hard to sing in front of other people until I realized that if I acted when I sang, I was totally fine. Something about putting on a character made me feel like I wasn’t the one the audience were judging.
I then went on to research pathways to get into the industry and which schools were the best. It was around halfway through last year when someone reminded me that I should be seriously including God in my decisions. This was a real wake up call for me. I found out through a lot of prayer and pressing into God that I didn’t feel as good about it as I did previously. This feeling was confirmed when I went to the VCA (Victorian College of the Arts) Open Day.

After that I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of “So, dammit. Another career that isn’t going to work out for me.” – James

Which brings me to now. What do I want to do now? Well, after A LOT of praying and having prophesy’s spoken over me, I want to be a youth pastor. I have seen God move and I want to be a part of what he is doing in this generation. I believe that we will not be like any other generation before us, but he will have us doing new things for his Kingdom.

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

Trying to find out where I belong in this world has been difficult. There has been a lot of disappointment, but I also feel like there has been triumph. Whether or not I end up becoming a youth pastor is irrelevant, as I have discovered that no matter what I do, I belong in Christ, and THAT is where I find my identity.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

No matter how over used this verse is, it doesn’t make it any less significant.
God is with you, always.

 

Learning to find your identity in God

In thinking about Identity I thought of the journey I went through, it made me want to share with you a few enlightenments God has shown me about my own insecurities. I was extremely insecure and self conscious growing up. when I was 12, I was short,, zit-faced, and had frizzy hair parted down the middle of my head.  , I didn’t have a reason to be insecure…but I was.

Yes, I coped a few jokes. So when I grew up a bit , cleared my face, got a new style, and moved to Melbourne, I started to place my identity in…acceptance. I made friends with all the popular kids. I was hanging out with the popular kids. I was the new kid with swag. I finally had everything …or so I thought.

See, the thing about all that is…it gets old. Eventually, I was no longer are the new girl. I became part of the norm. The rush and excitement was over. most of the guys I wanted to date were shallow. I hid from my friends my hopes, my desires, and to be honest, my identity. Once they didn’t want me, they dropped me. I had taken their rejection and accepted the status  a reject. I desired to be loved so when all those things failed, I tried to find love in other things.

There is a whole lot of small details that come along the what with trying to discover love in materialistic objects. In fact, anyone trying to find love and satisfaction in other people, places, or things to feel good about themselves will ultimately turn to idolatry. You replace God’s love with those objects. At first I felt good, but ultimately, I felt dirty, worthless, lost, confused, and ashamed. Yet, I went on with life acting my part as the “good Christian girl”. Some people thought I was a great girl. Others thought I was shallow. All the while, I told myself I was a fake and inwardly hated myself for everything. Obviously, I had a bad identity.

I was doing all the right things outwardly but living a wrong lifestyle because I was trying to find meaning in all the wrong things. I was striving. I was still placing all my identity within the materialistic.  I used to think money, power, and men were going to make me happy even though I was a Christian. Therefore, because all those made me feel bad, I told myself I was bad. Insecurity was my constant blanket therefore I was in an identity crisis.

I talked about the importance of studying the Word. , I talked about the dangers of a person studying God’s Word. In my insecurity I realized the Word’s importance yet I lived in pride and legalism. I set rules for myself and when I failed in all areas, I beat myself up for it. Even though I said that the Word will transform you, I was forgetting an important element, the gospel.

I then understood the the Word of God. It states, “Renee you are a sinner. God knew this and He sent Jesus to appease the wrath you deserve for those sins. God was able to fix what you couldn’t fix Now, know that you are God’s creation and princes !  Through Him you are saved and will continue under His wing. Know that He is your Father and died for your sins, For He love you. Be satisfied in Him and enjoy life and the gifts He has given within the boundaries He has given.”

When I realized the true depth of what God did for me, I felt so guilty.Not in a bad sense, but for the first time, I was in Awe of God, of what He did for met. Not only have I changed through God’s love, but my perspective has changed.  God has given me a new outlook on life It makes me want to serve others.  It’s given me a new perspective on life and now I want to do the things of God! God’s Word tells me I God’s princess and my identity remains in Him.

 

Personality Tests and Belonging to ‘Your Cause’

I guess you could say I am absolutely obsessed with trying to find my identity. I spend a lot of my spare time trying to come up with a reason for why I am, what I am. And that’s not just a few thoughts here and there; it’s sometimes up to a whole week of not being able to do any homework (except VCE philosophy,) because I can’t do anything other than think. So over the years I have done many tests that tell me about me.

My personal favourite is the Myers Briggs personality test. I am an INFJ (Intravert, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging,) the rarest personality (1%) of all 16 types. INFJ’s are summarised as always needing to have a cause; have large dreams, very sensitive to anything that goes against they’re values, compassionate, idealistic, unusual and artistic. They are often mistaken for extraverts, due to their incredible passions but are truly introverts as they actually much prefer to be alone or talking to one or two people. In romantic relationships, they’re very picky trying to find the perfect partner, and when they find that person, there is an incredible level of commitment.

Other tests I’ve done:

• Of the 4 temperament styles, mine is Primary: Melancholy (Explains why I like these tests) and Secondary: Choleric.
• My learning style is Kinesthetic. Which means I prefer to ‘do’ when I’m learning something new.
• Online IQ tests, I average around 130 which is pretty high, but simply only defines me as very good at dealing with patterns and data. Saying this, I have a ridiculously low EQ.
• Students can be categorised into three different types typically used to define gifted students. They are high achiever, gifted learner, creative thinkers. I’m a gifted learner as opposed to James who’s a creative thinker or Phoebe who is a high achiever.
• I have also done love language tests and know my love language which is completely useless unless you have friends around you who know it. For me that’s quality time, with a secondary language of touch. I have an apology language of requesting forgiveness.
• I even did an autism diagnosis test online last year I scored a more positive result than the average medically diagnosed autistic person on the test…?!?

Yet still even though I know and study a lot about my personality, intelligence, learning styles and love languages, I still don’t actually believes this explains the reason for my identity. I believe your true purpose and identity is ultimately found in God.

Last year as ACT THREE was overseas in Cambodia, I wrote this song on the road coming out from an orphanage. In this moment I felt an incredible sense of purpose and belonging to the ultimate cause: The Kingdom of God.

Your Cause Lyrics

So for me, what truly defines you, in my humble opinion is what you belong to. And what you are is a God given gift, used to achieve this. Every element of my abstract life when combined with God living in me, has been created to help me play the part I have been created to play.

 

Tinkerbell and baking?

I don’t know about you, but i found myself lost for years not knowing where i belonged, and it only happened I knew it this year with the help from many people.
For me, i wasn’t even sure what identity God had planned for me. Not knowing that it was as simple as it is, I seem to know who I am now.
As I searched through quotes I noted down, I found this one by Tinkerbell.

“Your talent makes you who you are. You should be proud of it.” -Tinkerbell

As I thought about identity it reminded me of how much our talent labels us for who we are and where we fit in to.
If you’ve watched the movie “Tinkerbell”, you would’ve picked up what Tinkerbell went through.
She was placed in an awkward position where she doesn’t think positive about herself and believed she wasn’t talented like the others, but still had faith.
After her ups and downs, she magically found herself knowing her identity which was the fairy who made and fixed things.
This enabled her to another world feeling accepted, where everyone took her in as one of their own. Your talent which brings out your identity can fit you into belonging. Personally, if you knew me, you would know I love baking and giving. No matter where I go, I always seem to be asked about what I’ve been baking. I guess people realise it’s part of my weekly routine.When it comes to belonging it reminds me of how much an individual feels about how much they feel included. Everyone one of us has a talent or a hobby. It may be playing a sport or even playing an instrument. From observations I guess this is what sometimes places people in friendship groups. I guess it’s not the ideal thing to think about, but it really is a part of life. Who like’s being pushed away because they don’t have similar interests anyway? God gives you a gift which makes you who you are, it may not be your favored position or it might end up putting you in a hurtful one, but don’t let it put you down because as Tinkerbell says, “Be proud of it.” Hopefully, one way or another you’ll be living the life you wished to be in. You shouldn’t allow another to put you down for what you are suppose to be doing. If it happens to be one does put you down, they’re not worth the effort, because each person’s gifts is a big and personal gift from God but obviously everyone’s gift is different. That’s who you are suppose to be.
I hope that people know their gift given to them enables them to seek their future and in one way or another, help people all around them. Where we can all be on an equal level. I know life is tough, and it’s hard to get over. Believe me. I know. But I am truly trying to make things better for myself. The past is the past, and I know I got many people to hold on to, which is where I belong now. I’ve found one group of people I can guarantee to hold on to, which is my lifegroup. It coincidently happened a majority of the group loves to bake. And now we find ourselves baking every week together! Another place I belong.

I do love Disney quotes…

 

Reflections in a Mirror

This is a short poem I wrote based on the idea that what we see from the outside cannot truly explain who someone really is. Mere vision is unable to tell the stories or explain the dreams and the deep multi-layered identity of a human being. Every single person can decieve themselves by the ‘reflection they see in the mirror’. But you and me as individuals know that the face staring back at us when we look at our personal relection is just the beginning-and that much of what others percieve us to be is wrong. We are all so much more than what we see on the surface. So, now that you’ve got the idea, here is the poem:

So many stories replay back to me
Yet as I look into this mirror the reflection of my life is a haze
This shimmering glass tells only of a surface

From the mirror I see two hazel eyes
I see a face that has grown to match the opposite of how it feels
A face which looks so different to what is behind it

And I wonder
Is this face all that anybody ever sees when they look at me
I used to think my reflection would always mirror who I am
But deep beyond the outside is a heart which tells a different story
And I know im not dancing alone in this masquerade ocean
Deep beyond the thousand eyes I see every day is a heart and a soul
A thousand stories that reflections in a mirror could never tell

How I really feel is at war with what you see
Behind these shadows a desperate heart cries out to be heard
The face you see everyday is only the tip of the iceberg

From the mirror I see the dreams that you can’t see
I recall the thousands of stories that may never get told
Stories of a life that reach far beyond the shallows

And I wonder
Is this face all that anybody ever see’s when they look at me
It’s so easy to misunderstand a smile that never seems to fade
But there is much more to a life than what mere vision can explain
And I know that im not dancing alone in this masquerade ocean
Behind the thousand faces I walk past every day is a heart and a soul
A thousand dreams that reflections in a mirror could never explain

And I wonder
If we were a blind nation with no sight
If shimmering glass could not reflect
How much more would we understand each other
Could we see more without vision
Because there is so much more to a life than what the eyes see
There is a real heart and a soul and a thousand stories and a thousand dreams
So much more to life than what reflections in a mirror could ever tell
So much more