Trapped In The Man Box

NOTE: The video relays a story that some students may find disturbing. The speaker relates a story of when he was 12 and witnessed violence against a teenage girl in which he felt complicit. If this is likely to offend or disturb you use your discretion when deciding whether to view it.

Tony describes the Man Box he feels society traps men in.

Can you think of other ways that our society shapes us? Are there ways you have seen others shaped that you think is damaging to them? Are you aware of the boxes you are in and what that means for your view of the world?

Is there a Woman Box? A Teen Box? An Australian Box? A Christian Box?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

 

Resilience

I’ve been interested in the idea of resilience recently. Resilience is essentially our ability to ‘bounce back’. You know the saying, “Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”? Well that’s only true if we are resilient. A great TED talk by Jane Mcgonigal suggests that there are four types of resilience (mental, social, emotional and physical) and that we can strengthen them by playing a game.

So my interest in resilience led me to want to watch more videos about it. I turned to YouTube and found the video below. As soon as he mentioned identity, I knew I’d be posting it here, but I was surprised to find such an insightful idea contained in his explanation.

He claims that “the way you maintain the resilience of a system is that you allow it to probe its boundaries.”

This relates to identity for me, in that it suggests that in order for people to hold an identity that is secure the limits of that identity need to be tested.

I would be interested to hear how you feel this relates to the notions of identity we’ve explored so far this year in the comments.

 

A Call to Arms

To be torn between two cultures is a prevalent theme in which many of the stories in Alice Pung’s “Growing up Asian in Australia”. This theme is particularly displayed in the story “A Call to Arms” written by then only 17 year old Michelle Law. In Australia, she does is teased about her appearance, hairless arms; her hand-me-down, oversized togs; and her peculiar lunches. She tells her mum that she simply wants to be ‘normal’ and I believe that is something we are all looking for in our lives. We are all looking to ‘fit in’ and not be embarrassed by peculiar habits or ashamed by our heritage.

The idea presented by Law that we all want to be ‘normal’ is further delved into when she brings up her experience on a trip to Hong Kong where she blends in and “loses [herself] in a giant swarm of people”. She describes the “anonymity” as euphoric compared to the ‘stand out from the crowd’ she was so used to. However, only her physical attributes served well in this environment as her Australian upbringing made it obvious that she was a foreigner. It’s funny because when I went to visit Hong Kong last year, I sort of felt the same way. My physical appearance allowed me to blend into the crowd as soon as I set foot onto Hong Kong but as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, it was obvious I was a foreigner. I must admit, Hong Kong was like a home where I instantly felt like I belonged, just as Michelle Law had described.

Law finishes with her confusion of whether she is more Australian or more Asian, which I think many Asian-Australians or people with two cultural upbringings feel; to be torn between two cultures.

 

Destiny(Review)

Wonder Woman,

I too,  just like this story wanted to be like her,

A crimefighter.

But in this story, the Grandmother a bit of a, dream interferer. When you are little your imagination runs wild and you don’t have time to focus on to little details( eg whether your skin color matches Wonder Woman).

For the grandma, to point out that she was Indian and then to imply she couldn’t be Wonder Woman or that she had to change to be approved seemed a little to critical for me.

If my granddaughter came up to me with a dream to be a crime fighter I would go along with it(as my grandparents have with me), enjoy her dream with her. If she was 13 and wanting to wear an outfit like Wonder Woman, i may consider getting a costume covering a little more.

=)

 

For everything else there’s MasterCard…

Have you ever seen a man on a train wearing a Rolex and wearing a expensive looking suit on his way to or from work? What thoughts ran through your head? Perhaps you thought, ‘Wow, that guy must be rich as!?’ you may go so far as to guess ‘Is he a business man or maybe a doctor?’ regardless we know he has one thing money.

“Money makes the world go round,” this phrase couldn’t be more prevalent or applicable to our generation than it currently is; this is also true when someone tries to change an aspect of their identity. We cannot fully develop our own identity without investing something into our identity, in most cases the easiest thing is money. If you are reading this you are likely to be in the midst of a capitalist society. Where the poor have a chance to climb up the social ladder to become rich, but let’s be honest little or few of us have had to forge our lives without the use of money. Money has allowed us to engage in activities that have made us better people, or shown us something we enjoy doing. In many cases these actions or experiences become part of what makes us, well, us

Music, of all things, is a major part of my identity, I live it, breath it and Love Music. I play it, Listen to it and sometimes even write it. I got asked, If I could pick one thing I bought, what is the thing you got the most value out of?

My $600 “Unique Melody Aero” Headphones came straight to mind, Custom made and equalised to the style of music I love, making every new mid to high tone sound euphoric. I selected almost everything about them and, as they are custom, they only fit me. I always thought how grateful I was to have these and also, amazed that in such a short space of time, these headphones changed my musically abilities and my sensitivity to tones. This ultimately changed my view on many ideas on music, changing my identity as I used them. Though aesthetically speaking, there will never be another exact copy of these created, thus making them a testament to my own identity, they also have changed and helped me find a new identity in the way I played, responded and identified with music. Obviously the only reason I have these, seemingly overpriced headphones, is because of a part-time job, would I still be the ‘me’ that I am in music without these headphones, without out the money to spend on them?

Look let’s be honest Money isn’t ALWAYS what makes us, us. But it has a massive effect on the ideas people carry about us. People hide behind money, even to pretend that they are rich, just to gain acceptance. Have you ever seen someone in a track suit go for a job at a bank?, I’d doubt it. Our society makes people buy things and wear clothes so people will think good of them. It’s true without money we are morally better off, but while money is still around it continues to influence the collective identity of society as well as the identity of the individual. In closing do you remember our friend on the train?

Target suit                                                                 $150                                                                          Rolex from EBay                                                        $20                                                                           people thinking you’re a successful business man…     Priceless

 

You Are What you Eat!

I love food! I love cooking it, eating it, smelling it and everything in between. Not in a weird “I’m going to go on Masterchef” kind of way, just in a food tastes sooo good kind of way. Most people see food or eating, like breathing, just another basic thing you need to do to survive. My journey with food has been long and hard, however as weird as it may sound, food has made me who I am today.

When I was little I simply didn’t like food. From what I remember I wasn’t the general fussy eater that you see in most kids. I pretty much hated food and eating! I thought it was stupid, pointless and just a general waste of time. And obviously my parents disagreed with my philosophy. I would sit at the table for hours trying to eat my dinner, and I always ended up leaving it because my parents just got sick of nagging me.

So here is the “low down” on what was going on, because I didn’t eat enough I was border line anaemic, in Year 4 (so about 10 years old) I was a normal height but weighed 25 kg. I was always tired, I didn’t like playing sport because I had no energy to run, I was always home sick, and always in and out of the doctor’s office. And because I was never at school I was quite socially awkward, and I wasn’t that bright.

Now before I continue I would like to point out that I was not anorexic! Because I was so young I really had no idea what I was doing, and how my actions had an effect on my well being.

At that age I really saw nothing wrong with my eating. I knew that I was skinner than most, but I saw myself as “ok”, and like any child I didn’t listen to my parents. But in my senior primary school days, something happened that really turned things around for me.

When I was in year 5 my teacher confronted me saying “Monica you have been taking too many days off this year, try and not take as many for the rest of the year”.  When she said this too me I didn’t really give it a second thought. But when I got to year 6 the exact same scenario happened with another teacher, she pulled me aside and said the exact same thing. That second confrontation really changed my view of ‘me’.

Before I was only looking at how I viewed myself. I didn’t really care about what other people saw, I thought I was fine.  But this experience really opened my eyes. I started seeing myself from other people’s points of view. What I saw as normal seemed abnormal to others.

In the case of this context, noticing something different in a person or commenting on some ones appearance carries several negative connotations. But in this case, I think someone telling me that something’s wrong with me, may have been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

At the time I never really thought how food was affecting my life, but now when I look back on it I see how it really took its toll on me. I am still underweight now and I still have spats with my parents about my eating habits.  However this experience has really showed me how something as simple as food can really have an effect on someone, and how people’s view on you can actually help you rather than harm you.

 

Is There A Real You?

My favourite ideas from this:

If you have a heart transplant you’re still the same person. If you have a memory transplant, are you the same person? If you have a belief transplant, would you be the same person?

Everything else in the universe is the same…we say the watch has a face and hands and a mechanism and a battery…we don’t think ‘there is a thing called the watch to which we attach all these bits’ . We understand very clearly that you get the parts of a watch, put them together and you’ve got a watch.

Like waterfalls, we are not a ‘thing’, we are a process.

 

A jelly like pink blob with small beady eyes

Ditto provides the backbone to this piece. No, I am not referring to the English definition, (dit·to: used in used in accounts and lists to indicate that an item is repeated) this reference refers solely to the Pokémon character ‘ditto’. The ditto who is able to take the form/shape of pretty much anything.

Before I continue, I have a confession. Never in my life do I recall watching a single episode of Pokémon. *cue surprise and horror*
Sure, I’ve seen bits and pieces. Enough to know that there is a cute yellow Pokémon with black stripes called Pikachu, and that at the end of a Pokémon cartoon, the bad guys fly off into the distance and turn into a star? (I’ve never understood that) But there has never been a time where I’ve sat through an entire episode from beginning to end. However, thanks to a crash course from a Pokémon ‘expert’ in English last week, I think I know all I need to. If you’re wondering what on earth Ditto has to do with identity and belonging, I have but 4 words to say; patience my friend, patience.

Scrolling through ninemsn recently, a headline caught my eye. It was about the ‘forgotten Australians’. The forgotten Australians refer to the survivors of the roughly 500,000 children who found themselves in institutional or other form of care, away from home and their parents, in the last Century. This topic brought me back to a few months ago, where I, along with a friend and a love for all things to do with history, ventured into the Immigration Museum in the city, which was showing an exhibition on Britain’s child migrants.

What I learned and discovered while visiting that exhibition will most likely stay with me for a very long time, if not forever. Taking an innocent, young child, by young I mean a 4 year old, away from their parents, away from the only home they have known, to a land far away where they are horribly mistreated and abused, to me, is simply horrendous.

As terrible as what occurred is, and as much as I would like to have 5 minutes, just 5 minutes alone in a room with the perpetrators of such horrific abuse, I believe that the jelly like pink blob with small beady eyes (also known as ditto) was, and still is a part of the lives of those who suffered.

Something I picked up during my crash course in Pokémon was this. No matter what shape or character Ditto takes the shape of (transforms into) his/her eyes ALWAYS stay the same. The same 2 small beady eyes. Nothing changes. They are a constant; always there, always the same.

To me, the unchanging eyes of ditto represents the unchanging values/personality/traits which we are born with, and although may shift to fit in with different situations and environments, remain inherently the same.

Although I know for a fact that the ‘forgotten Australians’ have indeed suffered greatly and have had to mould themselves to fit in with their circumstances, there are traits within each and every individual person that has not changed. Something that has remained constant through all the changes, the suffering and the pain. Something inherently present. Something forever present.

Just like ditto.

 

What’s in a name?

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

           Many of us know that names, the most fundamental part of a human being, gives us a sense of identity and belonging. In fact, I think that names should be the starting point to one’s identity as it is given to individuals when they are born. And yet we hardly ever think much into it. Even though names are the most basic part of one’s identity and is widely understood to be so, I felt like exploring concepts of identity and belonging in names even further.

When I think of names and how it gives us a sense of belonging, I think of names and how it links to ideas such as culture, religion, society, ancestry and marital status. I always felt intrigued by the fact that some people have names that are in the Country’s national language, for example, Japanese having a Japanese name. I think that having a name as such gives that individual a sense of belonging to his or her Country, society and heritage. I know for a fact that, my Chinese name gives me a sense of belonging to the Chinese even though I am not from China. I am able to feel a sense of attachment to my Chinese heritage and culture through my name.

What about religion? I feel that religion plays a huge part in names. There is the example of baby christening, where during the baptismal service, the baby is given a Christian name. By doing so, I think it is essentially saying that the child is part of the Christian religion. Even so, what about Christians who did not go through baby christening? Some Christians who are named after people in the bible, like me, might feel a sense of belonging to their faith, as that was where their names were derived from. Lydia was a woman from the New Testament who was converted to Christianity by Paul. Just knowing who I was named after gives me a sense of pride as well as encouragement for me and my faith.

Then there are other ideas such as ancestry and marital status. In some cultures, where ancestry is of importance, a child inherits their parents’ surname or family name, thus indicating the child’s ‘membership’ in the family line. In a marital relationship, the wife will almost always change her family name or surname to her husband’s family name or surname, indicating that she belongs to her husband and her husband’s family.

In terms of identity, names to some of us, is what differentiates us from billions of other individuals on earth. For others, it is a confirmation of our existence. I know that if my name is taken away from me, like prisoners of war, and I am given numbers instead, I would be left with no distinguishable identity. Also, I cannot imagine having a different name from the one I have now because I believe when an individual uses a name, the individual’s personality; traits, values, and qualities would be linked to that name. What about the meaning behind a name? I think, to some, the meaning behind their names is important because it could be something that they base their identity on.

There are also gender names, which give individuals their identity in terms of their gender; and nicknames, where some individuals preferred to be called by their nicknames instead of their given names because it has always been used and their identity is found in it.  Some people name their child after a significant event, or people change their names after certain milestone that they go through. These things become the individuals’ new identity. The same idea also applies to mispronunciation or misspelling of names. Some of us would wince when someone mispronounced our names, said it with a pun, or misspelled it because it feels like a distortion of our identity.

Whatever it is, the sense of identity and belonging in something so personal as names are too vast to comprehend. However, writing this made me reflect on my identity in my name, and the meaning behind it (according to thinkbabynames.com, it means either a seller of purple or from Lydia, an area in Greece, although I prefer the former). Why not find out more about yours?

 

The Importance of a Mother

Mother’s day is this weekend and there are reminders all around  telling us to “spoil mum” and shower her with the perfect gifts. All this hype must mean that a mother is an extremely significant person in society and individuals lives. Every year people world wide dedicated this day to honouring mothers and celebrating motherhood.

When I sat down to write my reflection, I asked myself,  what role does MY mum play in shaping MY identity? Well the fact is, I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for her. Of course my Dad played a part as well but it was my mum who gave birth to me and brought me into this world. I’m very fortunate to have sucha supportive and caring mum. As a baby my mum was there to change, feed, and attend to my every need and now that I’m older she is still always there for me in many different ways.

“When I Stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself.”

Nancy Friday

I look up to my mum and most of the values that I hold today are shaped around not only my own but my mums beliefs as well. I would not be the person I am without my mum. She has played and still plays a huge role in helping me to develop my own identity wether it be  giving me advice or even just through her actions.

My mum also gives me a great sense of belonging. When I hear the the word “belonging(s)”, it makes me think of the things that I own. Being a daughter, Its like I’m a “belonging” of my mother. Even through the toughest times, at the end of the day knowing that I belong to someone makes me feel safe.

So with mothers day being just around the corner I thought it was a great opportunity to write about how my mum in particular has helped me with my identity and sense of belonging. I know many people may not relate to me the same way but I see Mothers day as a day to show appreciation to our mothers or even “mother figures” in our lives who have helped us become the people we are today.